Phlegm

Phlegm…

Another in our list of words that sound exactly the way they are defined.  In fact phlegm is such a disgustingly distasteful word that the originator didn’t even want the responsibility of spelling it right.  Phlegm?  That appears like it should be pronounced “fleg em.”  Hawking up some fleg em just doesn’t sound right.

Good Posture

Being cognizant of how my posture has gotten worse over the years from sitting in front of computer screens for 10 hours a day, I became interested when I started seeing more and more co-workers starting to use those posture ball chairs.  Of course, to a New Yorker of Italian descent it was infinitely more interesting when I thought they were called “pasta ball” chairs, but I digress.

Anything that would help my aching back and lessen the stress to my neck, shoulders and increasingly worse TMJ was worth looking into.  That is until the day a co-worker named Larry, who used this posture ball chair in his cubicle, got frustrated while on the phone with a client and inadvertently brought the pen in his fist swinging down along his side and plunged it into the chair like Mrs. Bates visiting a guest in the motel shower.

The sudden puncture wound to the chair and pressurized release of air sent Larry vaulting over the cubicle wall like he was storming a castle with the help of a catapult.  All would have still worked out fine except that forty-two year old Mrs. Ophelia, who was Larry’s cube neighbor, became the landing pad for the 165 pound projectile.

All of this made me opt to simply try and pay more attention to sitting up straight even while sitting in my creaky 15 year old desk chair.  At least if I ever stab it with a pen I’ll get nothing more than a slow leak of fuzz.

Whale Song

While I often feel that bathroom humor is a cheap way of getting a laugh it is undeniable that everyone loves a good fart joke.  How and why farts became so funny is a mystery.  God created us all equal and there is no more evidence in the fact that we ALL have to let one rip at one time or another.  It’s either that or we soon start to look like the little girl in”Willy Wonka” that had the gum chewing habit & blue up like a blueberry.  Besides, farts are only truly funny when they make noise.  The “silent but deadlies” are rarely fun at all.  In fact the reaction to these sneak attacks is often like what you’d imagine would happen if a zombie walked through the front door while the family was gathered round a bridge table playing cards.  You just couldn’t get out of there fast enough and to hell with Aunt Mabel.  She can fend for herself.

So with all of this in mind I have to share a moment when recently I entered the men’s room at work and there was a gentleman in one of the stalls taking care of business.  I immediately heard this long, loud sound that had perfect pitch and reverberation.  It was low and mournful and somehow maintained itself for several seconds.  It was followed by a shorter version, no less beautiful in it’s echoing hum while being at a slightly different pitch and it suddenly reminded me of the sound you hear when whale’s are singing.  It was just beautiful.  As a matter of fact, I quickly wanted to mimic what we call “whale song” by naming it “wind song.”

I also wanted to compliment this fellow, but didn’t think it appropriate.  Besides…by then I felt that I needed to exit quickly before the moment passed and as these things often do…a touching moment was over everything went to crap.

Pun intended.

 

Redemption Code

I wish we had a way of accumulating life points so that when your time comes and you show up at the pearly gates, you can just punch you redemption code into the keypad and presto…the gates are opened unto you.  Now that’s what I’d call redemption.