Slave Driver

WIFE

                                  Why are you always so tired?

HUSBAND

                                  It’s all the damned chores you keep giving me.

WIFE

                                 Oh I see…so you’re always pooped because I make life difficult

                                 for you.

HUSBAND

                                 Yes.  In other words you are the pooper and I am the poopie.

                                 Wait…

WIFE

                                 Yeah, that’s about right.

Bite the Bullet

On a dusty plain in the heat of the day where a scorching sun burned everything in its sites to a golden crisp, a country doctor came upon a young desperado, left to die with a bullet in his shoulder.

The blood slowly oozed from the dime-sized wound and the old doctor knew he had to get the bullet out before the young gunslinger either bled out or died from the infection.  He was barely able to keep him hydrated as well as he had trouble taking water from the kindly physician’s  water skin.

Knowing the pain would be severe without any real anesthetic available, the kindly doctor offered his patient a bullet to bite on.  Bravely, the young man took the bullet an held it between his teeth.  As the doctor took his knife and began digging into the shoulder searching for the small piece of led that was at the cause of the problem he was right about the amount of pain he’d be inflicting in an effort to save the lad.  The fellow bit down so hard on the bullet in his teeth that it ignited and he shot the doctor directly in the forehead killing him instantly and thereby dooming himself to a slow agonizing death.

Remember…guns don’t kill.  Bullets do.

Film at 11

An excerpt of an interview conducted with Jesus back in the day when they still had print news magazines…

Reporter:  So, on the night of the last supper, did you really wash the feet of the Apostles?

Jesus:  Oh, sure, yes, of course.  I was hoping to make a profound statement illustrating love and sacrifice and service to your fellow man but Peter kept giggling.  For such a big man he was quite ticklish.

Reporter:  Really?

Jesus:  Yes!

Reporter:  It still must have been a very dramatic setting especially with all that was going on.

Jesus:  Yes…I would, however, try to keep things light by playing the “little piggy” game with their toes, just to lighten the mood.

Reporter:  No kidding?

Jesus:  Yes.  Judas didn’t think it was appropriate making pig references and us being Jewish & all.  He stormed out in a huff yelling, “enough is enough!” and well…you know the rest.